David vs Goliath

It is Saturday and it is wet. While I would love nothing more than to be away from a computer, such a fate is inevitable when the railway trails' terrain is too muddy to run, the precipitation stings too much to ride, and my hand is too blistered to swing a golf club at the driving range.


Having just finished reading "Outliers" and enjoyed the author, Malcolm Gladwell's "here is a stimulating explanation as to why everything you know about airplane crashes is a common misconception" prose, I decide to Google his name followed by "The New Yorker". I click on How David Beats Goliath. The article aims to be a modern day revision on the "Art of War" exploring historical battles both in military and in sports. The battles of focus in this article are those in which one side was clearly superior to the other upon first glance. The main story follows a 12 year old "silicon valley startup" girls basketball team journey from their seemingly improbable chance of success to state domination. This was accomplished chiefly through the use of the full court press; a technique that the more physically "non-silicon valley startup" imposing teams, who focused on the core skills of shooting and rebounding, were unprepared to contest. The author then walks the reader through a "war enthusiast" fair in which the participants have a fixed budget to design an electronic navy as they see fit. The victorious group - a bunch of computer programmers with no grasp of military history -employed several socially questionable tactics to achieve their lop-sided victory. Among them, having vessels self-destruct after being injured by an enemy attack. The theme of Gladwell's article: "David must attack Goliath where Goliath has his guard down - even if it is against social norms to do so."


Reflecting back to my youth, I can think of a myriad of Disney movies that followed the "David vs Goliath" theme. The first that come to mind is :

1. The Mighty Ducks - An alcoholic lawyer who is caught driving under the influence is given a sentence of community service in the form of coaching an inner city youth hockey team.

Davidian Tactic: "Take the fall, act hurt, get indignant!": Gordon Bombay, the coach, encouraged his physically weaker, inexperienced team to put on a show for the refs to create the illusion that the more dominant team was illegally checking them. In theory the end result would be a visit to the penalty box. In actuality - the inner city parents who "skipped overtime pay" to see their kids purposely fall on their asses reprimand Gordon.



2. The Little Giants - A bunch of physical degenerates who are unable to make the competitive football squad form their own team. Through the inspiration of their equally degenerate coach and his daughter, the most talented player on the entire team, they manage to conquer adversity and win.

Davidian tactic: The players ingest alka seltzer immediately before kickoff to create the image of a rabid animal. The opposing team is reluctant to defend the team out of fear of contracting the rabies virus and the Little Giants have a green light to the end zone.



3. Angels in the Outfield - an optimistic but painfully disillusioned youth whose father puts him up for adoption is convinced that his dad will want him as his son once again if the California Angels win the AL pennant. The boy comes to this false conclusion after he mistakenly takes a sarcastic comment that his father makes at face value.

<==Matthew McConaughey in one of his better acting roles.



Davidian tactic: Up to this point in MLB history, most MLB recruiters had not considered "wing-span" as one of the more meaningful tools for their outfielders to possess. The boy takes the road less travelled by and gets his centerfielder 2 sets of wings. The Angels win the pennant but his dad couldn't care less.


At this point of my blog post, a wave of emptiness washes over me as I struggle to recall a childhood experience in which I came to terms with a Goliath. In order to inject some meaningful real life experience into this post I will live vicariously through my brother's happenstance victory in Mortal Kombat. We had just finished hitting balls in the batting cages of Sportsplex, an all-in-one sports facility in Bellmore, NY. Before going home, it was customary for us to waste a few quarters playing MK. There happened to be a long line that day as the weather was similar as it is today in NY. It was my turn to play the winner, an older acne-scarred goon who was getting his jollies out of playing on little kids' quarters. Through the use of lethal combinations, his Sub Zero character was able to freeze my Scorpion. My brother Matt, who was about 7 at the time, was next. Now keep in mind, up to this point every single player at least attempted to use the "cool combinations". Punching and kicking without spears, lasers, bloodshed was not socially acceptable. Matt, under the influence of what character I do not remember, proceeded to sweep, a 2 button move that took relatively no dexterity, the goon with such frequency that the kid had no time to execute any sort of offensive attack. The whole debacle lasted less than a minute. Matt's opponent didn't even reveal the smallest grain of sportsmanship. He looked down at Matt and said "f***ing cheap, man. Cheap as sh**". He proceeded to his mom's mini-van, his head slumped low, his joystick skills forever humbled.